As soon as we got back from our vacation to the Virgin Islands in July we hit the ground running trying to get pregnant. Up to that point we had been giving it our best shot for a year and it was getting frustrating and overwhelming. I considered doing more yoga, trying acupuncture, reading more books– but my parents really encouraged me not to dilly with those things and find the best doctor we could and get some results.
So we did. We found the best fertility specialist in our area as recommended by my OBGYN and close friends who had found success. And without really knowing where we were headed, how long it would take, or what all was involved, we dove into the world of Fertility Treatments.
And what a world it is.
I spent the rest of the summer going to appointment after appointment, running tests, drawing blood, and the end I was diagnosed with PCOS. Basically my ovulation was shotty and unreliable. I got on some meds and we started with the battery of hormone shots in my belly, pills, and a sonogram several times a week to monitor the growth of my follicles. It was time consuming, but we were in 100%. Thank God I have the summer free to spend at the doctors office (every hour and day seems to really count when doing fertility treatments– you really don’t have a lot of choice to work around your schedule, but rather your body’s). And Thank God our insurance covered most of this. I know many people who are not so lucky so I consider this a huge blessing.
So after about a month of prepping my body for The Great Fertilization, the window (about 48 hours of ovulation time) opened, closed, and the pregnancy test came back negative. I was crushed. Shattered. Bewildered. Defeated. I felt like I had been the perfect student and somehow managed to completely bomb the test.
This is a good point to talk about how I dealt with all of these emotions. As we were going through the shots and the pills I felt hopeful, excited, pumped. Like we were really taking control of this thing. But when the NEGATIVE popped up, I deflated. It was all for nothing. The constant fear in the back of my head was not that I wasn’t pregnant and we might have to wait another month or two, it was that there was something so wrong that I would never get pregnant. I went to a very dark spot and thought some pretty crazy things.
A funny thing happens. When you are trying you darnedest to get pregnant (or get engaged. or find a boyfriend. or get a job. or loose weight. or buy a house. or sell a house. or get accepted to college. etc) and can’t, is exactly when everybody around you can.
I wish I could say I was truly happy for everyone that found out they were pregnant during this time but it took every ounce of me to smile and not let my tears flood. These are not feelings I am proud of, but I’ve been trying to make up for it.
So next month, it was time to try again. Now school was about to start and I did not have the luxury of time to spend every few days at doctors appointments. The clinic was a good 35 minutes from my school, but somehow it worked out. We did everything exactly the same as we had done in Round One. On September 28 I sat in the teacher work room on a conference call with my husband and a nurse from the clinic. We were pregnant. I’ll never forget Josh’s laugh over the phone and the millions of tears that instantly streamed down my cheeks.
The next few months seem like a blur. After the trials of trying to get pregnant, I’m so lucky to report that the actual pregnancy has been a breeze. Besides being insanely tired the first 3 months (which included a trip to Vegas and my brother’s wedding– wowzah), I’ve been active, healthy, happy and drama free. Even as an incredibly emotional person, I’ve been pretty level-headed and breakdown-free this whole time (right, J? right??).
Our baby boy is due June 1.
I can’t wait to share what I learned about pregnancy style, nursery decorating, baby items, and baby style. I’m also pretty excited to try a lot of cocktail recipes I’ve been pinning.
Thanks for listening to our story. God has been good to us and we’ve learned a lot from our journey. If it helps you or gives you hope, I am glad.